just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
