hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
