i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he fucked my hip out of place.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
