Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
