Cold hands, warm shart.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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