omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
