shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
