fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
