he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
