Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
