You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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