Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I am one with the molecules
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
