You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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