Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
