Kareoke will never be a sober sport
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
