Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
