that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
