and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
