he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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