I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
