I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
