We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
