it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
