so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
