i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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