its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize