Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She's the barista slut.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
