respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How does one acquire holy water?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
