You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
