I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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