My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
