Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
