Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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