I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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