The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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