I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My penis needs a shock collar
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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