I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
