do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
