Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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