operation harelip BJ is a go
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
