1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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