my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
