i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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