My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
