Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
