So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
