well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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