So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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