mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
