Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
