so explain again why im purple
no
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
