I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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