He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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