she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
