so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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