I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
