lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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