If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
