yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
