dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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