I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
third nipple confirmed
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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