dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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