as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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