I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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