theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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