i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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