He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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